You might have thought that, as loyal customers, Morrisons in Aberystwyth might like us.
And with their profits heading south, you’d think they’d want to cherish us, make us feel special. Be nice.
But no. They despise you. They think you are worthless layabouts, fit only for poor service and bad food.
And here’s the proof.
If they liked us, if they wanted to provide good service, if they thought we were busy people, they’d have enough staff on the checkouts.
But they don’t think your time is as important as theirs, so they are quite happy to make you stand about in queues.
Oh sure, every 5 minutes they’ll run the “Will all till-trained staff PLEASE go back to the checkouts – yes, that includes you Brian!” but they’re not going back to the checkouts!
They’ve got their freedom, running wild. They’re not coming back.
And look at that sign – “Here to Help!” – put some more staff on the checkouts! That would help.
So you stand there, silently cursing the people in front taking ages, but it’s not their fault.
Go on, talk to the manager, see where that gets you.
She’s a lovely lady, but she will either say:
i) We’re a bit short of staff at the moment
ii) It’s not normally like this (it is)
iii) We’re training up some new people.
Yet it’s still always slow, because you are just plebs, and they don’t see why you shouldn’t wait. They think you’re off to beat your children or spend the child benefit on the Lottery or crack.
And if you doubt they think you’re a fat, unhealthy fool, have a look at their special offer ready meals.
At the moment, it’s lasagne, garlic bread & profiteroles for £6.
(Actually, I quite like profiteroles.)
Lasagne AND garlic bread?
That is just carbohydrates, more carbs, fat, sugar, and more carbohydrates. That is no more a healthy meal than it’s an aeroplane. Eating the cardboard sleeve would be more nutritious.
What about protein? What about fibre? What about vegetables or vitamins?
OK, OK, not all of Morrisons is bad. My nephews (plebs!) like the pizzas where you can choose the toppings from the friendly ladies, and some of the male staff are quite dishy.
The fresh fruit and veg is a wonderful range, their own-label sauvingon blanc is excellent, and their meat & fish superb.
The bread is a mix of interesting flour combinations (spelt crops up often) and cheap white flour rubbish.
Why they go to the bother of making their own hot cross buns – God’s finest creation – and then ruin them by not putting any fruit in.
(Although maybe the empty hot cross buns are a lesson to us – “THIS is why they’re 4 for 50p – there’s nothing in them!”)
And the aisles provide the ideal location for large groups of country folk from the hills to stand around catching up with old friends, mindlessly blocking the way.
And don’t get me started on the slow-moving old people who COULD go when it’s quiet at 10am, but choose to go at 5.05pm on a Friday.
Alright, so the shop is mostly fine. So why don’t they have enough staff on the checkouts? Because, deep down, they don’t think we’re not worth it.
Or they want us to use their rubbish self-service machines, where WE do the checkout stuff ourselves, but where will that end?
Will we have to stock the shelves too, or go foraging for stuff in the warehouse?